


Only Human

by Canadian_Dreamteam (Seraphiel_Seraphim)



Category: Louis Tomlinson - Fandom, One Direction, zayn malik - Fandom
Genre: Bisexual, F/M, Famous, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Kindred Spirits, Love at First Sight, M/M, Mentions of PerriexZayn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-29
Updated: 2015-07-29
Packaged: 2018-04-11 20:04:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4450400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seraphiel_Seraphim/pseuds/Canadian_Dreamteam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis messed up. He completely knew better than to kiss Zayn, but he could no longer control it. He was falling hopelessly in love. When the paparazzi caught the "Zouis" moment and instantly got it trending world-wide, he thought all would be lost. But maybe Zayn had a secret as well- one he had been keeping for quite a while. They're only human, after all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Only Human

“Night, mates,” I said, my voice hollow, though I imagine it was disguised. I ran my fingers through my hair to push it back from my light blue eyes in time to see them nod their heads back before entering their cars and speeding straight towards their flats, leaving Zayn and I alone in the parking lot. We were on break for the month of December. But, still, we weren't quite ready to go home since the holidays were another two weeks in the immediate future. 

In a way, I was excited at the fact that it was only us two. Zayn's tan hands fixed the black spiked hair on his head when he thought I wasn't looking, making my heart set up a "Slippery When Wet" sign before it decided to melt. His dark lashes framed his hazel eyes, but hardly a single emotion seemed evident in them. His mysteriousness had always made me wonder what was always going on in his mind. With our other friends, it was almost obvious the feelings they usually held.

In our Irish friend, Niall, happiness and bubbliness seemed to constantly be sparking in his ice blue eyes. When he was upset, the red rims around them made it clear. When he felt lazy, quite often the brown roots in his bleached hair would show that as well. As for Liam, sometimes it was harder to see anything other than seriousness in his face, but once that mask was penetrated you knew he was always ready for a laugh, a good time and fun with his friends. Really, he was just the one to make sure we didn't always go too out of control and keep our jobs as performers in the world-famous boyband known as One Direction.

Our final "brother," as we called each other, was Harry. A mop of curls occasionally hid his emerald eyes, but if you looked deeper, past all of his tattoos- similar to Zayn's- you would find a true romantic. Sure, he was a bit of a flirt, but at 21, who didn't want to have a little fun with their lives? Our fans often thought that Harry and I held a romantic bond together, but we were just close. It wasn't Harry I wanted that bond with, it was most definitely somebody else. Those feelings were unreciprocated- and wrong, people often loved to tell me.

That didn't make them go away.

But out of all of those amazing boys, my best friends, Zayn was the hardest to decipher. Maybe that was what made him so intriguing to me. Maybe it was the fact I could never be sure how he was feeling, and I wanted to change that. I wanted to understand that and him. I was hoping that maybe tonight when Zayn was going to stay at my flat, I'd figure it all out.

Zayn, the one I was hopelessly in love with, but could never say anything. On the outside I pretended like life was still as amazing as I had always found it, but over the past few months I had found myself developing strong feelings for one of my best friends, one of my band mates. And I couldn’t afford to love him for so many reasons. One of the most important being that he had a fiancée, the blonde and beautiful Perrie, whom he was already very happy with. 

I couldn't exactly bring myself to try and tear them apart. No matter how much it tore myself apart in the process.

Nervously glancing at Zayn’s handsomely chiseled face, I mumbled, “So you’re hanging out at my place tonight, right?”

Zayn smiled his brilliant smile, every one of his teeth shining a bright white. “That would be correct, Tommo. Unless you’ve suddenly decided to kick me out.”

I chuckled at that, but it was false. Everything was now. “Nah, it’s too late now. Guess you’re stuck with me, 'Bradford Bad Boy'.”

“I don’t even say that anymore,” he complained jokingly, remembering a few years back when he did call himself that, but soon realized just how stupid it sounded. Personally, I had always found it endearing in a way, though I could never be quite sure what made me find it so. At least, not until a little while after he stopped using that name.

I shrugged my shoulders as nonchalantly as I could. “Oh well, too bad.”

He rolled his eyes and smiled at me, but I could quickly feel my heart sink. The looks and reactions he gave me showed that he was truly one of my best friends. Nothing more, nothing less.

We drove to my own flat and stepped out of my car. “Could you have been any slower?” Zayn said with a grin. Knowing he was joking, I attempted a weak snicker, though I really didn’t know if I could laugh anymore.

“I’m sure I could have,” I said quietly, not looking at his eyes, afraid that I might not be able to help myself. But I knew I couldn't, not only were these feelings wrong, but he was in a relationship. I had to let go eventually and accept that he could never be mine, but as time progressed it only went opposite of that. Ever since Eleanor, my ex, and I had broke it off several months ago, the feelings had only gotten stronger. Much stronger. But it always seemed to me, that the hottest ones were straight. 

I was certain most people agreed with that.

His deep chuckle rang out like bells, snapping me once more from the dark inner sanctum known only to me as my thoughts. “Well then, let’s go inside. Even if you’re a slow driver that doesn’t have to mean that you’re a slow walker too,” he teased, starting to walk toward my flat.

Sighing slightly to myself, I followed behind before catching up and meeting his pace. He glanced at me and smiled. My cheeks flamed up a cherry red. When I realized it was a blush that had crept onto my face, I quickly covered it up with a cough as an excuse for my own private version of "Red Is The New Black." We stopped at my door and Zayn spared me a worried glance.

“Are you catching a cold, Louis?”

I waved it off, embarrassed at his concern. To fend off the feeling of inadequacy, I lied. Something I had began to become very skilled at doing, unless I had been caught off guard. Like now. “No, there’s –uh-just a lot of exhaust from all the engines and cars.”

“Oh, alright then. Do you have your keys to get in?” 

“One second,” I told him, my hand plunging deep into the pocket of my winter coat in search for the keys. After what seemed ages of awkwardly searching, though in reality it was only a few seconds, my hand closed around something cool and slightly sharp. I rubbed my thumb over the teeth of the object just to be sure and whipped it out quickly.

It must have been a little too fast though because it quickly dropped out of my hand and into the piss-poor excuse for snow.

“I got it,” Zayn and I said in synchronization and both knelt down to retrieve the fallen item.

Bonking our foreheads together, our hands met over the keys. Our heads were up like a shot and staring right into the other’s eyes; right into his perfect, beautiful, stupid fucking eyes. Foreheads pressed together, our lips only inches apart, with his cool frosty breath tickling my cheeks, I snapped. 

I couldn’t hide it any longer.

Completely forgetting everything around us, I leaned in closer and closer until our lips brushed each other’s and I finally kissed him. I pressed my lips onto his and kissed him. Not just a light peck, but a real kiss. It felt so right, nothing in the world mattered anymore, and I wondered why I hadn’t done this earlier. The roughness of his lips felt so right on mine, the mold perfect, so much better than any woman I had ever before been so chaste with. So why had I not allowed myself this wonderful feeling before?

I learned my reason only a moment after when I realized that his own sweet lips were frozen in shock. A flash went off in front of us, then another, and another until I saw that it was paparazzi. Why had I not noticed the vans following us home?

Zayn pulled back first, his face hard to read-as usual. Shock was definitely his most prominent feature though.

More flashes went off as Zayn gaped at me. My eyes flitted away guiltily. “I-I-“ I began, but he cut me off.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Louis. Bye.”

Without another word, he ran. He burst through the small crowd that had formed, questions being thrown this way and that. But I couldn’t hear any of them. All I could do was watch the love of my life flee away from me, probably disgusted, leaving me standing there in the cold as paparazzi swarmed around me.

“Louis! Are you and Zayn a couple?” one reporter asked.

“Are you gay? How long have you decided to be gay?" another interjected. 

“What’s wrong with you?” said yet another pap.

The questions and comments escalated from there, many of them hurtful. Many of them true.

I tried to ignore them all. With all the restraint I could muster, I knelt down and picked up my keys. “Go home!" I yelled harshly to them.

Then I calmly opened my door, threw myself in and slammed the door shut with a strength I didn't realize I had. The ride up the lift was hell. My nose stung and my eyes watered like I had been hit in the face. With shaky hands, I unlocked my door. I threw my coat carelessly on my couch and fled into my bedroom. There I fell to the floor in a heap, not even bothering to make it to my bed, and cried for hours.

What the hell had I done?

 

***************************************

The next morning, I was awoken by violent banging on my front door. Who the hell let anyone up here?

I heaved myself up off the floor and trudged towards the hallway, passing a mirror in the process. Naturally, I stopped in front of it for a few moments, taking in my disheveled appearance. My hair was a mess, from sleeping on the floor, same with my rumpled clothing. My blue eyes were rimmed red and practically glowing compared to the dark bags under them. The majority of the intensity came from not only missing most of last night's sleep, but from weeks of terrible nights where I thought of how I knew a fag like me could never be loved.

And I was proven right just last night of that fact.

The knocking on the door remained persistent and I sighed heavily. Who ever it was sounded urgent. I smoothed my hair into something a bit more presentable, straightened out my clothes, but could do nothing for my red and slightly puffy eyes. My head still pounded from last night, resembling the pounding coming from the visitor outside.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," I sighed heavily, tossing my cell phone out of my pocket to the worn-out couch without giving it a second glance.

My trembling hand went to open the door and I was entirely shocked by who was on the other side. "Z-Zayn? What are you doing here?"

"Louis, I said I would see you tomorrow," he answered softly, glancing down at his feet while he crossed one leg at the ankle in a nervous manner.

"Z-Zayn, about last night, I'm so sorry. I- I wasn't thinking and I acted on impulse. Please, I'm sorry. I hope Perrie hasn't seen those pictures that were taken," I said. Another lie. I was thinking- thinking about how much I wanted that kiss and so much more.

Zayn lifted his head for a moment and I then realized that he too had been crying. My heart nearly snapped in half for the umpteenth time. "Lou- Perrie and I already broke up. She called me when I had gotten home because she had seen the pictures. Fast, I know. But, shit, man, it was trending world-wide. She had wanted to know if they were real. When I told her they were, she wasn't really angry. Just felt betrayed. Perrie asked me a couple more questions about it and- by my answers- we both knew we couldn't stay together. It just wouldn't work for us."

Although I felt terrible knowing my actions had caused Zayn to lose his girlfriend, I couldn't help but feel a small splurge of odd happiness because this now meant there was even bigger chance that either Zayn would hate me forever or I could get even closer. "What kind of answers did you give her?" I wondered aloud, feeling a bit confused.

He bit his lip nervously, unknowing of how much that made me want him even more. That small gesture made me feel like my heart was about to burst. 

With all this heart talk, I absent-mindedly prayed that it was because of him my heart kept hurting, because I sure as hell didn't want to have a heart attack before he answered me. 

"Well, Louis, I'll admit that I was taken aback by your actions last night, but if you're wondering, I didn't find it disgusting or bad. Quite the opposite, really."

If I had been able to do anything but gape, I think I would have fallen to the ground in shock just then. "You- you don't hate me?" I asked incredulously, hardly believing my ears.

Before I could react, rough lips slammed into mine, kissing possessively. I immediately followed suit, adding all the burning fire of my love that I had been holding back for years. Zayn shoved me back into my flat, following behind without letting our lips disconnect for even a moment. The loud slam of the door being closed gave me a start, but I could hardly hear it. Without giving it a second thought, I had Zayn up against the wall. Our tongues were somewhere in this mess, but if I bet my life on it, I probably couldn't tell you if it was his tongue or mine in my mouth. Giving me one last teasing peck, he draws away, laughing airily.

"Does that answer your question?"

I bit my lip, my cheeks flamed up a bright red. "May- maybe."

He laughed gently before kissing me again, but I craved more. Zayn knew how to tease though and drew back quickly. "Alright," I breathed out quietly. "I think I believe that you don't hate me. But why would you kiss me again?"

"Louis," Zayn started slowly. "I'm bisexual. I have known that for a while and so has only Perrie. That's one of the reasons why she wasn't so mad at me about what happened. I didn't let you force anything on me and she was relieved of that. She had let me explain about what happened and understands. Understands why we couldn't stay together. We both still need to see what's out there for us. Sure, it kind of stung, but not really for all that long- which I guess you can tell since I'm at your doorstep.

"But it was the thought of, well, you that made me wonder what was going to happen next. Just thinking about you made me move on faster than I even thought possible, something I didn't think could happen when I was so sure I had been in love with Perrie. Hell, I had been planning on marrying her!"

I considered everything he said and could only reply, "Since we're confessing right now, I'm gay. Known that for years. Eleanor had really only ever been a cover-up so people wouldn't get too suspicious. And, well, I love you."

"For how long?" Zayn prompted softly, trying to catch my eye.

Avoiding them desperately, I whispered like a school-girl revealing her secret crush, "Since I first laid eyes on you, I knew you were the one for me."

Callused fingers went under my chin and tilted it up slowly, forcing me to gaze deep into the eyes of the man I loved. "Same, Louis. I may not have realized it immediately, but after what happened last night it hit me like a ton of bricks. I guess, I didn't quite realize that I was lost until you found me."

A tear or two welled up in my eyes. For once in so long, I felt loved. Felt like I was really worth something to somebody. "Zayn, that's cheesy as fuck," I choked out with a watery chuckle.

His top lip curled back, showing off his pearly-white teeth. "But you loved it anyways."

Once again, our lips connected and, never parting, we made it to the sofa in my living room. Hungrily now, my tongue flicked over his bottom lip, requesting entry. Perhaps in a weaker moment, it was allowed as his lips parted slightly and our tongues clashed together. There was no "battle for dominance." Just free-range exploration. I couldn't hold back the moan of pleasure that escaped my parted lips. The sparks that went off between us was like nothing I had ever experienced before. The lightning and bombs were almost nuclear with the heat shared between us. For half a moment, I wondered if this was only lust, or if Zayn really was showing me love. After a while, we stopped and I leaned my head onto his heaving chest.

"Amazing," he panted, indicating the kiss.

"Agreed," I answered in the same tone.

There was a brief moment of silence, only broken up by the sound of our heavy breathing. "Zayn?" I mumbled after a while.

"Yeah?"

I gulped fearfully, scared off the response. "Will- will you be mine? I mean- I know it's fast, but really, we've seemed to have loved one another long enough for this... right? So, would you do me the honour of being my boyfriend?"

He rubbed my shoulder thoughtfully before giving it a tight squeeze. "Of course. But I wouldn't mind a date or two."

"How-how will the public act if we go out as a couple?" I demanded worriedly.

He laughed quietly. "Let them think what they want to think. As long as we're together and the boys and our families can accept it, that's all I need. All I think we'll need to feel ready to be together for real is for our best friends to know and be alright with it. I'm no physic, but I have a feeling they'll support us one hundred percent."

A small smile grew onto my face and firmly stayed there. "As long as you're by my side, I suppose I can handle anything the public thinks. Sorry if that sounded a little corny, but it's the truth."

Zayn laughed again, hugging me tighter. "Now who's being the cheesy romantic. I love you, Lou. And I promise you that I always will."

"I feel as though I have loved you for a thousand years," I mumbled. "I'm sure I can manage loving you for a thousand more. Even if everything that comes out of my mouth is so ridiculously sappy it's almost pathetic. Thank you for coming back this morning. Last night I had been sure that I had blown our friendship forever and had lost you before I even had you. If that makes any sense."

"It makes perfect sense, but I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. I'm staying with the man I'm just starting to love as best I can." He pressed his lips onto the top of my head, sending tingles down my spine and all the way to the tips of my toes.

I lifted my head up off from his chest and once again stared into Zayn's golden-hazel eyes. I was shocked for a moment when I found that I could read the emotions in them perfectly. Love, concern, happiness and many others were trapped behind it, leaving me awestruck. Not only had I gotten Zayn, but I had succeeded in understanding what was behind his eyes. The very thing that had first ever attracted myself to him. The emotions behind his eyes were beautiful and loving.

And they were set only on me. Maybe I could do this, one haphazard step at a time.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not typically much of a 1D fanfic writer, but I am fairly proud of this one shot story. Please note that I wrote this a while ago (like, nearly two years ago and then minorly edited it) so it's likely not up to par to recent stories. I think it's still good? How was it? (:


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